Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
