i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
