my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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