I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
