just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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