Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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