I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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