I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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