Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
