Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
