This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
