i just wanna soil my oats bro
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
