She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
birth control should be required to get into college
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
