help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
bring money and cleavage
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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