Umm I'm too high to move.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
