the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so much tequila, so little girl.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
