I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
