so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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