Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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