but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
