She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
