My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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