Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
