can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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