You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
