Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
