Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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