I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
COCAINE IS GR8
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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