Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
