Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Everyone says I win the strip club
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
