So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk is a universal language darling
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