I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
