from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
