4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
