My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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