Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
