super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
