I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
