And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
