there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
