just tell him i said nine months
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
