So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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