oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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