you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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