i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
