As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
