honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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