I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
