i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
