dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
