Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
