I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
