My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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