We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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