You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
