I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
